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Dear Academy:
Hearken unto me, for I know how to increase Oscar ratings.
Forbid the use of the words "thank you" in acceptance speeches.
You don't need to adjust the number of retrospectives or tweak the presenter pairings. Just force winners to say something under the lights. They used to, didn't they? Twenty years ago, I remember hearing funny anecdotes from the set and reflections on the craft and political commentary. Now such gems come once or twice a night, if that often. Two minutes of predictable gratitude poured over people whose names we don't recognize, repeated twenty times, is deathly boring. Each envelope that opens is followed by a chance to grab a quick sandwich or take a pee, which is not your template for a dramatic evening.
That said, the arty and dramatic shadow-dancing that culminated in a giant Snakes on a Plane logo was pretty funny.
Hearken unto me, for I know how to increase Oscar ratings.
Forbid the use of the words "thank you" in acceptance speeches.
You don't need to adjust the number of retrospectives or tweak the presenter pairings. Just force winners to say something under the lights. They used to, didn't they? Twenty years ago, I remember hearing funny anecdotes from the set and reflections on the craft and political commentary. Now such gems come once or twice a night, if that often. Two minutes of predictable gratitude poured over people whose names we don't recognize, repeated twenty times, is deathly boring. Each envelope that opens is followed by a chance to grab a quick sandwich or take a pee, which is not your template for a dramatic evening.
That said, the arty and dramatic shadow-dancing that culminated in a giant Snakes on a Plane logo was pretty funny.
