I'd also like to thank my gratitude coach...

[jere7my]

Dear Academy:

Hearken unto me, for I know how to increase Oscar ratings.

Forbid the use of the words "thank you" in acceptance speeches.

You don't need to adjust the number of retrospectives or tweak the presenter pairings. Just force winners to say something under the lights. They used to, didn't they? Twenty years ago, I remember hearing funny anecdotes from the set and reflections on the craft and political commentary. Now such gems come once or twice a night, if that often. Two minutes of predictable gratitude poured over people whose names we don't recognize, repeated twenty times, is deathly boring. Each envelope that opens is followed by a chance to grab a quick sandwich or take a pee, which is not your template for a dramatic evening.

That said, the arty and dramatic shadow-dancing that culminated in a giant Snakes on a Plane logo was pretty funny.

Comments

[sonatanator.livejournal.com]

They'll just come up with longer-taking euphimisms. It's boring for us, but that isn't what that moment is about. It's not another chance for them to entertain us, but a chance to pass on recognition and be honest.

[jere7my.livejournal.com]

But it's not honesty — it's an obligation of humility. If everyone is required to list N people, then it's not an honest accounting of gratitude. It would be more honest to remove that implicit "must use 90% of our mic time on thanks" social requirement and let them share their real reactions — left to their own devices, not everybody will naturally arrive at the same "I must thank X, and Y, and Z" response, any more than every best man will arrive at the same wedding toast. Again, it wasn't always that way at the Oscars; it's a nice custom that's evolved into a straitjacket. The fact that nearly every nominee ends up giving basically the same speech is a proof of artificiality, and it saps the speech of sincerity.