Chasm Time
Mar. 6th, 2007 02:39 amHere's what needs to happen: I need to stop leaping out of bed in the middle of the night, convinced that a chasm is about to open up in the floor of the bedroom — not because a catastrophe is in the offing, but because it is Chasm Time, and it's been scheduled for weeks, I had plenty of notice, I just forgot. If it's not a chasm, it's a collapsing wall, or snakes in the covers, or the new tenants have just arrived and I'm not packed up yet. Whatever it is, I wind up out of bed and running about with an elevated pulse, and a sleepy
adfamiliares has to try to convince me to come back to bed, while I insist that, no, I am not confused, we have to leave now, before Chasm Time.
This is why I am too tired to write tonight. And that's not the end of the world, dammit. I'm not feckless, but I am also not overburdened with feck; my fundamental lazy inertia bothers me enough that I am suspicious of any choice I make not to work. Am I legitimately too tired to write, or am I being a wimp who'll never amount to anything and God hates me? It's hard to tell. So, when I can barely keep my eyes open and am bent like a comma over the keyboard, I can choose between sleep + guilt and staring at the computer + failing to write anything worth keeping + guilt.
This time, it's sleep + guilt.
+ waiting for Chasm Time.
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This is why I am too tired to write tonight. And that's not the end of the world, dammit. I'm not feckless, but I am also not overburdened with feck; my fundamental lazy inertia bothers me enough that I am suspicious of any choice I make not to work. Am I legitimately too tired to write, or am I being a wimp who'll never amount to anything and God hates me? It's hard to tell. So, when I can barely keep my eyes open and am bent like a comma over the keyboard, I can choose between sleep + guilt and staring at the computer + failing to write anything worth keeping + guilt.
This time, it's sleep + guilt.
+ waiting for Chasm Time.