jere7my | Feb. 23rd, 2010

My kilt seems to prompt a lot of questions. Lucky you, here's a FAQ!

Why didn't you get a real kilt?
A nice wool kilt costs upwards of $400, and looks ridiculous without sporran, kilt hose, flashes, a dress shirt, a kilt pin, a sgian dubh, etc... and all together that starts to add up to around $600. I don't own any outfit that costs $600. My Utilikilt cost 1/3 that. Moreover, wool kilts are dry-clean only, have to be carefully ironed, and are basically single-use garments — I'd wear one for Scottish dancing and that's it. Utilikilts can be thrown in the laundry and are good for daily use — black goes with anything.

I know you don't want the whole Prince Charlie, but shouldn't you be wearing knee socks?
Utilikilts.com has a gallery of user photos, and I mostly only see knee socks on people wearing their kilts to formal occasions. This point is negotiable (especially at balls), but I suspect RSCDS has trained my dancing friends to associate kilts with knee socks; most kilt-wearers seem to wear regular (or no) socks.

Why now, after dancing for 18 years?
The abovementioned catalog of problems kept me away from kilts for a long time, and I had it in my head that Utilikilts were ugly and rugged and "not real kilts". Then I saw someone at dance wearing a Mocker (the nicely pleated model with the pockets on the inside), and saw that nobody was mocking him for it, and decided I'd take the plunge.

Does it make a difference to your dancing?
It really does. Beyond finally understanding the point of the twirl-and-flip, I'm much better about knee turnout than I was. It makes intuitive sense now, and dancing is more fun.

You wear it around town? I guess you know why it's called the Mocker, huh?
I've worn it for all-day use four times now, and haven't gotten any negative comments from anyone over thirteen. (Kids are kids; some think it's awesome, some try to get a rise out of me.) A lot of people give me the low sidelong glance-and-scowl when they think I'm not looking; most of these are grumpy older white guys and non-Anglo-Americans. I've gotten positive stranger shout-outs from a couple of cute girls (and one cute gay boy), and one "Are your legs cold?" I've caught a few speculative lingering glances from fellow patrons in Diesel. When the weather warms up and I start wearing it more, I may get more reactions, but for the most part I think dour New Englanders are dour.

Do you go regimental?
I believe I can best answer that by asking you, "Do you know what Rhode Island senator was voted out of office in 2006?" and asking you to put an exclamation mark and a frowny face after his last name. (Ask me again this summer, though.)

I guess this means you're into the Scene, huh?
The last time I knew where or what a Scene was, I was a theater geek in high school. Apparently black Utilikilts count as fetishwear in some circles. While I am always pleased to be fetishized, you can't deduce anything about my sex life from my kilt.

You go on and on about saving money, but I know you — are you sure you're not going to drop more dough on accessories?
Okay, fine. I have spent $20 on a two-inch workbelt, and since a $20 belt isn't a great belt I'm probably going to spend $60 on a proper one from Leather Goods Connection. (Buckle suggestions are welcome.) I bought jewelry for the first time in...um, possibly ever...to go with it — a $16 bicycle chain bracelet from Ten Thousand Villages. And my mom thinks I should get these, which I will seriously consider if I can find them in men's sizes. (What do y'all think?)

I understand peeing in a kilt, but how on earth do you sit on a toilet without the back pleats touching the ooky back of the toilet?
Good question! And I am patting myself on the back there, because I am the one asking; I do not know the answer. Do you?