Kilt & kaboodle

[jere7my]

My kilt seems to prompt a lot of questions. Lucky you, here's a FAQ!

• Why didn't you get a real kilt?
  A nice wool kilt costs upwards of $400, and looks ridiculous without sporran, kilt hose, flashes, a dress shirt, a kilt pin, a sgian dubh, etc... and all together that starts to add up to around $600. I don't own any outfit that costs $600. My Utilikilt cost 1/3 that. Moreover, wool kilts are dry-clean only, have to be carefully ironed, and are basically single-use garments — I'd wear one for Scottish dancing and that's it. Utilikilts can be thrown in the laundry and are good for daily use — black goes with anything.


• I know you don't want the whole Prince Charlie, but shouldn't you be wearing knee socks?
  Utilikilts.com has a gallery of user photos, and I mostly only see knee socks on people wearing their kilts to formal occasions. This point is negotiable (especially at balls), but I suspect RSCDS has trained my dancing friends to associate kilts with knee socks; most kilt-wearers seem to wear regular (or no) socks.


• Why now, after dancing for 18 years?
  The abovementioned catalog of problems kept me away from kilts for a long time, and I had it in my head that Utilikilts were ugly and rugged and "not real kilts". Then I saw someone at dance wearing a Mocker (the nicely pleated model with the pockets on the inside), and saw that nobody was mocking him for it, and decided I'd take the plunge.


• Does it make a difference to your dancing?
  It really does. Beyond finally understanding the point of the twirl-and-flip, I'm much better about knee turnout than I was. It makes intuitive sense now, and dancing is more fun.


• You wear it around town? I guess you know why it's called the Mocker, huh?
  I've worn it for all-day use four times now, and haven't gotten any negative comments from anyone over thirteen. (Kids are kids; some think it's awesome, some try to get a rise out of me.) A lot of people give me the low sidelong glance-and-scowl when they think I'm not looking; most of these are grumpy older white guys and non-Anglo-Americans. I've gotten positive stranger shout-outs from a couple of cute girls (and one cute gay boy), and one "Are your legs cold?" I've caught a few speculative lingering glances from fellow patrons in Diesel. When the weather warms up and I start wearing it more, I may get more reactions, but for the most part I think dour New Englanders are dour.


• Do you go regimental?
  I believe I can best answer that by asking you, "Do you know what Rhode Island senator was voted out of office in 2006?" and asking you to put an exclamation mark and a frowny face after his last name. (Ask me again this summer, though.)


• I guess this means you're into the Scene, huh?
  The last time I knew where or what a Scene was, I was a theater geek in high school. Apparently black Utilikilts count as fetishwear in some circles. While I am always pleased to be fetishized, you can't deduce anything about my sex life from my kilt.


• You go on and on about saving money, but I know you — are you sure you're not going to drop more dough on accessories?
  Okay, fine. I have spent $20 on a two-inch workbelt, and since a $20 belt isn't a great belt I'm probably going to spend $60 on a proper one from Leather Goods Connection. (Buckle suggestions are welcome.) I bought jewelry for the first time in...um, possibly ever...to go with it — a $16 bicycle chain bracelet from Ten Thousand Villages. And my mom thinks I should get these, which I will seriously consider if I can find them in men's sizes. (What do y'all think?)


• Do you like the wind?
  I do not like the wind.


• I understand peeing in a kilt, but how on earth do you sit on a toilet without the back pleats touching the ooky back of the toilet?
  Good question! And I am patting myself on the back there, because I am the one asking; I do not know the answer. Do you?

Comments

[sinsofthedove.livejournal.com]

Definitely no one has ever figured out a good way to sit on a toilet without getting the back of their skirt dirty. It's totally impossible, and that's why no one wears a skirt if they're planning on sitting down to pee.

...Wait.

Also, I vote no on those Chucks. Sorry :-/

Also also, didn't you buy some jewelry about a year and a half ago?

[jere7my.livejournal.com]

Definitely no one has ever figured out a good way to sit on a toilet without getting the back of their skirt dirty. It's totally impossible, and that's why no one wears a skirt if they're planning on sitting down to pee.

I thought so!

didn't you buy some jewelry about a year and a half ago?

Wedding rings don't count!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_swallow/]

gather the fabric up and forward!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_swallow/]

this has been Authentic Girl Advice

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

That works pretty well for most skirts, but it doesn't really for kilts. The problem is that a (traditional) kilt's hem is 6-8 yards long, most of which is in back, and there isn't that much distance from the point where the pleats are sewn down to the hem, so it isn't really possible to gather it in the same way. It is possible to hold it up, but gathering it forward in the way one does a skirt just isn't, and I usually think it's easier to just take the entire kilt off. That said, a Utilikilt has much less hem than a regular kilt, so the skirt method probably works fine.

[jaipur.livejournal.com]

pull the skirt part up and forward, definitely. you can wrap it up around your waist in time-honored style. ;)

[mogwit.livejournal.com]

Wait, sitting on a toilet in a skirt is supposed to be difficult? I'm confused. How is it difficult?

[jere7my.livejournal.com]

Behind you, between your butt and the plumbing, is the back of the toilet bowl. It is probably covered in dried (or not) urine and other things you don't want your skirt touching. As you sit down, you need to make sure that the fabric hanging behind you, which you can't see, doesn't touch something else that you can't see.

[mogwit.livejournal.com]

No, I get that. Just, I have never thought of the process as difficult. Though I do recall that Pleated Things make this more of a challenge and that tucking material into the waistband helps somewhat.

[jere7my.livejournal.com]

See? Tucking! Already it is more complicated.

[orawnzva.livejournal.com]

Why not just pull the whole thing down around your knees, as you would with pants?

[jere7my.livejournal.com]

Apart from the fact that the snaps and belt on a Utilikilt are complicated, pants stop at your feet when you pull them down. A kilt would just pool on the floor.

Just to correct a few misapprehensions

[tirerim.livejournal.com]

In case you ever do consider purchasing a traditional kilt:

Dress shirt, kilt pin, and sgian dubh are all unnecessary; I almost never wear any of them with my kilt (I've never owned a kilt pin, and I haven't had a sgian dubh since I lost the one I got at the PA RenFaire for $13). I most often just wear a nice black t-shirt with my kilt, including to class. Sporran, kilthose, and flashes are necessary, but the Scottish Exchange is a good source for those; I'd wager you could pick up the lot of them for $50. Of course, if you want a larger variety it will cost more, but when I first got my kilt I had one sporran, one set of hose, and one set of flashes, and got by on those for quite a while.

In over eight years of kilt ownership, I've never cleaned mine, but I've been told that gentle agitation in a bathtub with some Woolite is perfectly fine. I usually iron it once every couple of years; it is indeed a royal pain, but it doesn't get wrinkled that easily. I also tend to find other uses for it besides dancing, but even without those I don't have many other garments that I can wear at least one day of every week. Just think of it as adding an extra dollar to the cost of each class for the next eight years. :-)

I'm not saying anything against your choice—in fact, I think both Utilikilts and regular kilts have good uses—I just want you to be aware that the disadvantages of regular kilts are not really as bad as you might think.

[fiddledragon.livejournal.com]

I understand peeing in a kilt, but how on earth do you sit on a toilet without the back pleats touching the ooky back of the toilet?
Good question! And I am patting myself on the back there, because I am the one asking; I do not know the answer. Do you?

I usually just pull down a skirt as I would pants. If this isn't an option, you could also try to fold the back of the kilt up and tuck it into the waistband.

[myalexandria.livejournal.com]

Girls do generally use the scoop-it-up-and-pull-it-forward method, which works better with skirts with less yardage in the hem, but tolerably well even with ball gowns. But for a kilt that snaps and zips and buttons, I feel that you might just pull it down instead.

Also, I vote "yes" on the knee sneakers. I dunno, guys in kilts with bare calves just look weird to me.

[antimony.livejournal.com]

Given 8 years of everyday kiltwearing (school uniforms) I believe I can help with the last.

The unhelpful answer: use women's toilets, where there is less frequency of deeply nasty toilet backs, due to everyone sitting down in them. The nasty in women's toilets tends to be an all-over spray from people squatting, in which case the only recourse is to join them. While holding up your skirt.

The helpful one: bunch it not to the front but to the side, like a hip-kilt-ponytail of fabric. You just need to grab enough to pull the fabric in the back taut across your waist.

[elwenlinuiel.livejournal.com]

an alternative to ironing, esp with wool, is to hang it (from a skirt hanger from the waist band, of course) in the bathroom whilst you shower. The heat and steam will ease the wrinkles, and the weight of the kilt itself will pull them out. free tip from your local laundry lady.
also, I agree with tirerim about the accessories to a real kilt, and think that they have some benefits-in some circumstances-over utilikilts. That said, I love utilikilts, and always enjoy seeing them around.
shoes: just say no to tall convers. I think they look strange at the best of times, and really don't think they go with utilikilts. In my humble feminine opinion, the best footwear for utilikilts is heavy boots, although in summer you could probably wear sandals. :) honestly, I don't think they really go with dress socks either, but I could be wrong.
peeing: drop the kilt. it is short enough that you can hold it off the floor, either by keeping the waist band on your knees, or just holding it. bunching it up is also definitely possible, but tricky with so much fabric.