A sucker is born

[jere7my]

The American Dime Museum in Baltimore is closing—woe! weeping! But they are auctioning off their collection of oddities.

I am sorely tempted to grab my banker by the ankles and shake him until all my pennies are piled about my feet, then shovel them at the auction house. How can I pass up the chance to acquire the last bowel movement of Abraham Lincoln (tactfully labeled "mixed media")? My own taxidermically preserved Jenny Haniver, two-headed goose, or Rangoon Sewer Serpent? Mourning pictures made from the hair of the deceased? A pair of gunfighter squirrels? Everything must go!

Comments

[creed-of-hubris.livejournal.com]

Did you read the text on Abe's last movement? Hilarious.

In fact, all of the flavor text is outstanding.

[rose_garden.livejournal.com]

THIS HUMAN COPROLITE WAS PRESENTED TO US IN 1906 AS HAVING BEEN PASSED BY PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN IN A PRIVATE LAVATORY AT FORD'S THEATER. ON THE EVE OF HIS ASSASSINATION AND SAVED BY AN ALERT ATTENDANT. THE CLEVER CON-MAN HAD CONSUMED A MEAL OF TERRAPIN SOUP, VEAL AND OXFORD PUDDING, DUPLICATING LINCOLN'S DINNER ON THE DAY BEFORE HIS FATEFUL VISIT TO FORD'S AS RECORDED ON THE WHITE HOUSE MENU. THE SCOUNDREL THEN PASSED THIS TURD AND CLAIMED IT TO BE THE PRODUCT OF THE GREAT EMANCIPATOR. MICROSCOPIC EXAMINATION BY A SCEPTICAL DR. POE REVEALED TRACES OF A COMPOUND FOUND IN NECCO WAFERS (A CANDY TREAT) MANUFACTURED AFTER 1887, THUS MAKING THIS STOOL A MORE RECENT DELIVERANCE. WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE CLEVER DR. POE'S EVIDENCE THE FECAL FORGER FLED, LEAVING HIS PRIZE BEHIND AND HE HAS NOT BEEN HEARD FROM SINCE.