A sucker is born

The American Dime Museum in Baltimore is closing—woe! weeping! But they are auctioning off their collection of oddities.

I am sorely tempted to grab my banker by the ankles and shake him until all my pennies are piled about my feet, then shovel them at the auction house. How can I pass up the chance to acquire the last bowel movement of Abraham Lincoln (tactfully labeled "mixed media")? My own taxidermically preserved Jenny Haniver, two-headed goose, or Rangoon Sewer Serpent? Mourning pictures made from the hair of the deceased? A pair of gunfighter squirrels? Everything must go!